“You swing from career girl to lady of leisure”.  A comment made to me by the big boss director of the company I work for when feeding back to me he’d been approached about me working in another department that I had left an impression on.  And who could blame him?  I’ve spent many an hour lamenting the lack of opportunity and progression in the previously family run business I work for, debating where I’m headed, berating myself for not pushing myself more, for not feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I’m fortunate he’s taken the time to listen as I’ve probably sounded like a broken record.  However, for years, I’ve felt I should be doing more.  I should be more.  A combination of our infertility journey and working for a family run business where people stay for years, limiting progression opportunities, left me feeling trapped.

Yet in the last 6 months, everything has changed and nothing has changed.  The previously family run business is now part of one of the largest motor industry PLCs in the UK with opportunities galore and I am no longer on the fertility treatment merry-go-round.  But I am still in the same job I’ve had for pretty much the last 12 years.  And that’s finally OK to me.

The thing I’ve realised is that I have been chasing something I thought I should when the truth is, this is enough for me right now.  Reducing my hours down to a 4 day week and exploring my creative side with this little blog and my photography, isn’t me trading my ambition in exchange for a life of leisure.  It’s actually contributed to me enjoying my job again.  It’s stopped it being the be-all and end-all.

And the irony of the director’s comment is that I’m probably the most ambitious I’ve ever been right now.  I’m finally starting to see the wood for the trees.  Those promotions I didn’t go for?  Yeah, Pru may not have helped but the reality is, just because I could have gone for the job, done the job, doesn’t mean I wanted to.

So, I’ve stopped mithering about what I should be doing, and started spending more time focussing on what I want to do.  Ambition to some people might be the next promotion, the payrise, the bigger house, the fancier car and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Who knows, I might decide I do want that promotion one day.  But for me right now?  My ambition is to be content with the here and now and I think I’m finally getting there.